I can’t help but think of the meme showing an old-school landline phone with the handset off the hook stating, “This is how we used to block people”. It was all so simple before the invention of smartphones and the internet, and ghosting.
Now ghosting has evolved into different types namely:
- Caspering: when the ghosting is friendly.
- Ruthless ghosting: This is the most abrupt and straightforward form of ghosting. The person disappears without a trace, leaving the other person wondering what happened.
- Slow fade: This type of ghosting is more gradual. The person may start by responding to messages less frequently, and then eventually stop responding altogether.
- Breadcrumbing: This type of ghosting involves sending occasional messages or likes on social media to keep the other person interested, without actually engaging in any meaningful communication.
- Orbiting: This type of ghosting involves viewing the other person’s social media stories and posts, but not interacting with them directly.
- And my personal favorite Zombieing or Haunting: when said “dead” person comes back from the dead and messages you after a long period of silence.
Whatever your method of quietly extricating yourself from someone’s life might be, I beg to ask: Is ghosting an easy way out or is it for cowards? My answer is a big yes!
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A very quick storytime
A few months ago, I found myself on a date with an amazing person. They were extremely intelligent, ambitious, and very confident, and I got the impression that they “knew themselves”. They had done their inner work and knew what they wanted from life in general.
Later that night, they called me and asked me what my impression of them was and if there was an opportunity for us to explore a relationship. I was taken aback; I had met an amazing person and to be honest, I was a little intimidated. I was still in the process of deciding if I was going to take the leap and entertain the possibility of going into a relationship with someone I was slightly intimidated by. While feeling like I was being backed into a corner, I said that there was “potential”. Needless to say, they were not impressed with this answer.
Things fizzled out soon after. Work got very busy (for both of us) and I went Casper. They asked me how I was one day, and I just never responded. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t have the guts to be honest. I just didn’t have the words, the irony isn’t lost on me.
SEE ALSO: Online Dating: A Man’s Perspective
Could ghosting someone ever be justified?
I think it can. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the other person’s chatting style was just (for lack of a better word) lacking? It would seem that I constantly find myself in these types of situations. Nothing frustrates me more than chatting with a monosyllabic person. There have been situations where I’ve ghosted for the purpose of preserving what’s left of my mental health.
Also, what if you interacted with someone who made you feel uncomfortable, or they were just downright weird? In some cases, these people are receptive to communication, however in a lot of cases communicating your discomfort does nothing to prevent them from acting weird.
The experts classify ignoring someone’s messages in the talking stage as “passive rejection” but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. The truth is ghosting is an easy way out and it is cowardly and childish. Ghosting someone means that we’re choosing not to have the difficult conversation that’s going to inevitably leave the other person disappointed.
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It is very difficult not to internalize being ghosted. You start to think about all the things you could’ve said and done that may have contributed to you being ghosted.
You have to resist the urge to call them from the office phone (to check if you’re actually blocked) or go to their place and “give them a piece of your mind”. The reality is that none of these options are a good idea when it comes to ghosting.
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Whether you’ve known the person for a long time, were in a full-on relationship with them or simply interacted with them briefly online, ghosting is a complicated matter. The key is to always communicate, and always make your feelings known so as to clear up any misunderstandings.
Have you ever been ghosted or ghosted someone? What are your thoughts on ghosting?
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2 Comments
One should never ghost, one mature conversation is better than many wait hours!!
Very true…